I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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