thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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