AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
