I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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