we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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