It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
