don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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