sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
