drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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