My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
