Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
im six kinds of drunk right now
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
