Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
