If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
