Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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