I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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