my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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