Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
