I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
