the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
