i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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