you didnt know i had herpes?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
