He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
