ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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