I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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