Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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