Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize