I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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