the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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