It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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