Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
