He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
