Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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