Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
