im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Need sex. Gaining weight.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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