Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I want her autograph on my taint
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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