So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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