Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
