college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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