i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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