your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Jerry, you need to find god
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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