get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
