I'm jealous of your bromance
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
