So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
