There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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