wanna go halves on a baby?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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