Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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