Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
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My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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