exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also, beer. Big fan.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
