I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
