I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
