If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
