I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
