I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
