wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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