happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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