sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
