i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
