So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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