Ambien. No doubt about it.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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