when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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