i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I would ride that face into the sunset
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
