Non-Jews are for practice
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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