I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
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Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize