sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
