there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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