I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
