My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
