I cockslap morals
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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