I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
