# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
