Apparently you make a good broom.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
