Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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