She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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