I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
