Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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