Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
