Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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