I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize