Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
