He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
