meet me or not, i'm out of control
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
