If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it hurts more in the daytime
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
