Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
