I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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