He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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