i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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