I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
