even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
